The only person Phoenix Down can’t bring back

Sad news, everyone! Beloved party member NeiGalufAlysTellah Aeris has just died.

Two minutes ago, you could have used a Raise spell to bring her back. But this most recent death wasn’t an ordinary one. She’s now super dead, because … you know, reasons.

Hope you unequipped all her stuff first.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

(Gallery sponsored by Knights & Dragons)

Bikini-insipired armor that protects … somehow

A good adventurer knows to never head into battle without a good suit of armor!

In many RPGs, however, these powerful suits of armor appear to be little more than metal bikinis when equipped on female characters. How any of the gear actually protects against damaging attacks, we’ll never know.

(Image credit: Blizzard)

A human with an inhuman amount of HP

Palmer may be an out-of-shape, older bureaucrat when you face off against him in Final Fantasy 7, but for some reason, he has more HP than Cloud or Barret do.

Fortunately, though, his massive HP reserve is not enough to withstand trucks.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

The treasure-filled sewer

Everybody poops. But only in fictional worlds do people send this waste to torch-lit underground passages filled with monsters and treasure.

(Image credit: Bandai Namco)

The elegant party filled with intrigue

Everyone around is dressed to the nines. The countess is here, along with some of her best guards. Your invitation to the party, meanwhile, got lost in the mail.

But still — there’s so much intrigue going on that you need to crash the event anyway. Maybe you’ll need to sneak through the garden without being seen, or have to kill a couple guards.

Either way, this party is happening, and you’ll never get further in the game without attending.

(Image credit: Electronic Arts)

The world-ending spell that barely scratches the boss

Thousand-foot megadragon Bahamut crashes through planets! He radiates magical power and bathes foes in pure death energy, exploding everything with nuclear-grade force.

This type of overpowered spell should reduce all enemies to smoldering corpses. But for gameplay reasons, these doomsday casts seldom do more than 9,999 damage — only about 3 times more damage than you’re doing with a lousy sword.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

The casino

The planet is about to be destroyed by a massive bioweapon, meteor, or demonic energy. Maybe even a combination of the three.

And here you are, sitting in the damn Golden Saucer, frittering away your savings on Chocobo races. Sad.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

A shop that exists in the worst possible location for a shop

BRB, visiting a bakery in a cave.

(Image credit: Sega)

Someone who’s been turned to stone

In a world filled with medusas, petrification spells, and other evil magic, sooner or later someone’s going to get turned to stone. And it’s going to be someone important.

Thankfully, there’s almost always a way to reverse the condition.

(Image credit: Sega)

The broken bridge

There are plenty of bridges located in RPGs. The only problem is that most of them are completely broken and will never be fixed unless you roll up your sleeves and do the job yourself.

Which means, typically, that you go out and beat up whoever broke the bridge in the first place.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

The doomsday cult

All hail the evil master! Whether an NPC is mumbling about the superiority of Zio, demanding you return Lord Kefka’s treasure, or simply wearing a doomsday sandwich board, somewhere, otherwise-normal people are worshipping the nasty boss you’re working so hard to defeat.

Fortunately, many of these cultists are so busy with their bizarre chants and rituals that they just don’t have the time to attack you.

(Image credit: Blizzard)

The secret of the waterfall

If you see a waterfall in an RPG, your first thought should be: Is there anything important hiding behind it?

Because often, yes — yes there is.

(Image credit: Nintendo)

One prophetic dream sequence, minimum

I had a crazy dream last night! And you were there! And you! And you … and … whoa, did we all have the same dream?

From Dragon Age to Zelda to Kingdom Hearts to Xenogears to Final Fantasy VIII, RPGs abuse meaningful dreams to the point of cliché. Usually, the dream is a prophecy; at the very least, it’s foreshadowing.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Giant murderous insects

For the most part, RPGs are silent on why there are always gigantic spiders and scorpions roaming the countryside.

At least in Fallout 4 you have a pretty good idea as to why they got so darn big.

(Image credit: Bethesda)

The extinct culture that left behind plenty of badass stuff

If “the ancients” were still alive today, they’d probably be big jerks who wouldn’t let you take all their cool magi-tech.

Fortunately, they’re all dead now, so you can loot the ruins of their civilization to your heart’s content.

(Image credit: Bethesda)

The relatively useless weapon or item that does something neat

RPGs are typically set up so that each item you find is more powerful than the next.

But there’s always one doohickey in there that breaks the trend. It’s unique. It seems fairly lower-powered or all-out useless. But it definitely does something crazy and cool.

Thanks, Junk Jet, Wabbajack, Rainbow Generator, and Insignificant Item, for keeping things interesting.

(Image credit: Bethesda)

Crystals!

Perhaps you need to collect them to save the world. Perhaps you need to rescue a princess that’s trapped inside one. Or maybe you just need one to finish building a communications device.

But one thing is for sure: If you’re playing an RPG, sooner or later, you’ll find some type of important crystal.

Some dude who lives in a tree

You’d think that living inside a tree would require dealing with more sap and insects than it’s worth. But for some reason, elves love hollowing these damn things out and filling them with beds, chairs, and assorted pottery.

(Image credit: Blizzard)

Animal corpses loaded with money

Why is it that animals in RPG always seem to be carrying a decent amount of cash on them?

We have no idea where they keep getting all this money, but we never have a problem looting it off them once they’re dead.

A giant rock over which gravity has no power

Virtually every RPG has, for some reason, a magical floating city or castle in the sky.

Virtually no RPG has, for some reason, an explanation for why there is a magical floating city or castle in the sky.

(Image credit: Namco)

Your old trainer, with one last thing left to teach you

Your character has been training for years under a wise old master. But there was one thing that he never taught you. You weren’t ready.

Fortunately, towards the end of the game, you’ll reunite with him. And he’ll have one last ultra powerful move to teach you — after challenging you to a one-on-one duel first, of course.

(Image credit: Square Enix)

Absurdly specific crafting requirements

Finally, after weeks of grinding, you have enough cursed ebonsteel, wyvern claws, and 15 final breaths of a wind elemental to craft the Dastardly Cyclonic Blade of the Split Heavens ++.

But you’re not done yet. You still need a feather from a super rare bird that only spawns on alternate Thursday mornings when it’s raining. And even then it’s a rare encounter.

Don’t even try making that sword without that decorative feather. It’d look so absolutely ridiculous without it that dragons will just laugh you out of the dungeon. Back to the grind, pal.

(Image credit: Gree)