Girls. They’re such a mystery, making dumb lists all the time–and I don’t say that just because they put lardasses at the bottom of their lists. The boys embark on Operation: Cannot Possibly Fail so that they might recover the girls’ list of boys rated from cutest to ugliest. Does that sparkle with all the girls?

Relevant quote: “You think maybe girls keep their balls on the inside of their tummies?”

Totally super cereal story recap: Don’t worry, it’s not ManBearPig… it’s Al Gore who takes center stage at a South Park Elementary school assembly, spreading ManBearPig awareness. But all Gore really wants is to be taken cereal for once. For maximum enjoyment, bring everyone you can to your ManBearPig viewing and watch at 8AM sharp, and keep an eye out for anyone with large hooves where their feet should be.

Relevant quote: “It is half man, and half bear, and half pig.”

Winter is coming. And if you’ve seen Black Friday, or any other entry in the show’s recent three-episode arc, then you’ve met Princess Kenny, aka Lady McCormick. Let’s not beat around the bush: these episodes are savvy companion stories that have more than a little to do with South Park: The Stick of Truth. But hey–marketing is what makes the world go round, and if you feel too squicky about the crossover, then douse yourself in pig blood and bring the m*****f***ing pain.

Relevant quote: “Have you ever noticed that almost every time they show a guy’s wiener, that guy’s character is gay?”

The little British kid is a limey zombie now in this episode that teaches us never to use Worcestershire sauce as embalming fluid. Come for the story, which has the town of South Park falling prey to zombies. Stay for the sight of a perpetually horny Chef proving that even death cannot quell a man’s carnal desires.

Relevant quote: “Let’s try to keep our hands and arms to ourselves, okay?”

You couldn’t accuse me of not teaching you enough about current events. Unfortunately, Mr. Garrison is lacking in this regard, and has to assign oral reports to the entire class. The frazzled Tweek joins Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny to work on the report, but Tweek finds it hard to concentrate, given the frequent appearance of the underpants gnomes, whose goal is to steal everyone’s briefs. As if underpants in South Park didn’t already have it hard enough.

Relevant quote: “Who is this woman with the gazongas and the high heels, what does she know about medicine?”

I believe. And you should too after viewing the episode that started it all. Cartman is abducted by scary aliens with big heads and big black eyes who violate anuses when not mutilating cows. He also learns about Christopher Columbus, the Indians’ best friend, who freed the Hebrews from Napoleon. For best results, watch while recovering from prostate tumor surgery.

Relevant Quote: “We told you they were real, Cartman! Sorry about your ass.”